I talk big sometimes… I have confidence in most things… but I’m easily intimated I have found.
VENTING: Oh… There have been few ‘best’ – girl friends that I’ve made in my life. Solid friends that I am SO SO grateful for. Also, I’ve made several friends that are girls (such as most of you who read my blog). But… I’m not quite sure why I feel more comfortable around males vs. women. I just don’t know what to say most of the time. I have no kids, so that cuts out A LOT of topics in a mass of collected women who get together around here… I feel so nerdy I am fearful of bringing up TV shows and computer related things when the rest of them are talking about what food they feed their kids and why. I’ve thought of jumping in and talking about what I feed “my babies” (cats)… but that would be weird… Clark told me I should mention my nieces and nephews in conversations where women are all talking about their kids a whole bunch. I’ve done that a few times and they all stop and stare at me … silence creeps me out! Are they expecting me to say more? I thought for a split second I was cool – but then I started rethinking things…
I could talk about blogging, but I’m all about WordPress and most everyone else has blogger… *sigh*… I just clam up and I don’t know what to say! I spend my whole day working on technical programming /design stuff! What do I do? Am I over-complicating this situation? I want to be friends with women (I know I need to! My toenails haven’t been painted in over 3 years!)- but… I think I’ve surrounded myself unintentionally with mostly men in my life as friends – I am so foreign to the having a lot of girls as close friends – except for the rare occasion. Even those friends have men as mostly friends, that’s probably why we get along so great. I get nervous and scared off and just let my guard down more around the guys because it’s easier! I always worry about what women think when I do get shy and hide away for awhile… will they think I hate them or don’t like them? Ugh… again, this is where guys are much easier – because I feel they don’t care nearly as much as women – who over-think… HELLO! Like what I’m doing right now! What do you suggest I do?
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Clark is my best-friend. He’s been one of the few who I feel gets me 110%. The good, the bad – he accepts ALL of me! No matter what! He may not understand some things at first, but his deep love I know & feel he has for me helps quicken the process of understanding – or at least finding a way to relate… like for instance, my quirky thing about when I get nervous – I go to the bathroom multiple times (for physical reasons too, but more often when I’m nervous)… weird right?! Well, from my LIFE experience – guys don’t care as much, but girls I feel go on a rapid speed of thought of wondering why. I’m probably completely wrong here – but that’s how I feel. Where did I ever get this idea that girls judge and guys don’t care as much – or at least for that long? It’s cliche for a lot of things – but it’s a belief in my mind… and I get shy, I get nervous – I don’t know what to say – so I stay quiet and hide in the shadows and just watch. If there was a room full of a group of guys there and girls over there, I’d go and chat with the guys (with Clark of course) and feel more comfortable. It’s not that I don’t enjoy going out for girls night or hanging with the girls… I just feel … different. Where did this all start from? Hmmm… another challenge for me to resolve 
Speaking of which!!!! GUESS WHAT?
My period this last month was RIGHT ON day 28, and was FIVE DAYS LONG!!!! Record breaking for the past 3 years! UNBELIEVABLE! Guess what day I started?… THE DAY I GOT MY JOB! And [also] GUESS WHAT?! It didn’t hurt like labor pains – all it was – was really uncomfortable, but bearable enough to where I could still function!!!! That is GOOD NEWS! Is it a coincidence or WHAT!? The hope and dream of having a baby is more real, and my stress level… I tell you what, after the reality of me having a job and stable income coming into our home – I felt my whole body deflate (literally) of pent up anxiety, stress, probably every illness I have ever thought I’ve had over the past 2 years has probably all been heavily influenced by STRESS! WOW, I never knew that stress could literally be … so… so… incognito? Sneaky way of slowly breaking your body down until you go literally insane?! … Lethal? All I know is that I feel it slipping out of my body. Literally, each day that I feel more and more SAFE in regards to being able to buy groceries, that we will be able to pay bills, that we will be able to LIVE… awwwww… we’re safe. We’re OK. Things will be alright. 
My body is starting to believe that and it’s settling down and I feel like my ‘ol self again!
Such is my job. I LOVE it! My boss is SO nice, the whole situation of the job itself is honestly, a DREAM JOB! I have no complaints – at all! I hope and PRAY PRAY PRAY that this is a long-term job. I hope with all my heart that it’ll last forever! Or – until we have kids . I want to be a full-time Mommy. Whenever that happens, but I’m not worried about that right now. Fully focusing on my job, getting our debt paid off and building a SAFE foundation for our kids to enter into – that is Clark’s and my game plan.
Speaking of Clark, his many many businesses (as his family and friends well know, lol) are doing pretty darn good! He’s had a lot of camera jobs this week, today he went out on a shoot at a recording studio. His web jobs are also doing pretty good. Things have been really taking off for us! But we’re not forgetting to stop everyday and really count our many blessings and thanking the Lord every morning and every night!
I’ve been so busy, which is why I haven’t blogged as regularly. I’m getting into the swing of things. Hopefully I”ll be able to slowly bring in everything I’d like to continue doing like I used to (dishes, laundry, reading books, blogging, etc 
) . We’ll see, one step at a time!
Everything is going VERY well!
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