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Remembering Who I Am and What I Believe

20 Jul

This video and the quotes below I came across today and just had to share. They moved me to a greater degree than anytime I have ever read them before or heard the same message before. Most likely because I feel like an entirely new person these days. Happier, more full of life and just excited about life. I feel like I’m beaming, and I know this is the Spirit. God has healed me and healed my life, and I feel closer to Heaven each day. I LOVE it!

Remember who you are, and where you come from and where you’re going. Remember that God loved you first and you’re His child. That makes you special.

“I come to you tonight with a plea that we stop seeking out the storms and enjoy more fully the sunlight. I am suggesting that as we go through life we try to ‘accentuate the positive.’ I am asking that we look a little deeper for the good, that we still our voices of insult and sarcasm, that we more generously compliment virtue and effort. Now I am not asking that all criticism be silenced. Growth comes of correction. Strength comes of repentance. Wise is the man or woman who can acknowledge mistakes pointed out by others and change his or her course.”What I am suggesting is that you turn from the negativism that so permeates our modern society and look for the remarkable good among those with whom you associate, that we speak of one another’s virtues more than we speak of one another’s faults, that optimism replace pessimism, that our faith exceed our fears. When I was a young man and was prone to speak critically, my wise father would say: ‘Cynics do not contribute. Skeptics do not create. Doubters do not achieve.’”

["Be Not Afraid, Only Believe," CES Fireside for Young Adults, Sept. 9, 2001]

‎”I do not believe in any kind of tyranny. I believe in long-suffering, in mercy, in kindness, in gentleness, and in the love and fear of God. I do not believe that the Priesthood was given to man to exercise dominion and authority over the souls of other men. Everything ought to be done with kindness and long-suffering, yet with fidelity to God.” [Teachings of Presidents of the Church: John Taylor (2001), 136]

‎

“Our motives and thoughts ultimately influence our actions. Jesus repeatedly emphasized the power of good thoughts and proper motives: ‘Look unto me in every thought; doubt not, fear not’ (D&C 6:36). “In Proverbs we read, ‘For as he thinketh in his heart, so is he’ (Proverbs 23:7).”

“Should there be anyone who feels he is too weak to do better because of that greatest of fears, the fear of failure, there is no more comforting assurance to be had than the words of the Lord: ‘My grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them’ (Ether 12:27).”

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Don’t Give Up – Trust in God

18 Jun

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Hoping for Baby

12 May

The idea of a baby has been consuming my mind lately. The one frustrating thing about having Endometriosis/Dysmenorrhea is that I have “pregnancy-like” symptoms when it’s ‘that time of the month’. Oligomenorrhea makes it harder to get pregnant (as well as the Endometriosis), but I’ve known so many people with the same conditions who seemingly have no trouble at all getting pregnant. So within these next 2 weeks, where either result will manifest itself is driving me all crazy. Am I? Or am I not?

The fact that Clark and I are both on board together mutually to finally feel ready to have a baby, I really want to be pregnant. So, yeah – I’ll be sad if I find that I’m not pregnant this time… but I’ll also be at peace in my mind that – it’s just not meant to be yet.

Wish me luck, I will be overwhelmingly ecstatic to find out that I am! I’ll be bummed out if not, but I’ll survive. It’ll happen when it’s supposed to. Just another challenge in faith. ;)

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My New Life

4 May

If I were to wish anything on anyone – it would be a trial. An experience where you don’t know the answer and you do feel helpless. Where you’re forced down on your knees – not knowing what to do. Where you plea to your Heavenly Father, because the pain is too unbearable, and you ask Him to take it all away so you can just feel ‘normal‘ again…

This video made me cry with tears of empathy. I don’t know what it’s like to be burned in a fire, and I’m thankful I haven’t had to go through the same experiences she has had to… she’s so strong. I don’t know what it’s like to feel pain like hers when all she’s trying to do is take care of her kids and make sure their needs are met. But there was a part of the video where she was looking at an old picture of hers wishing for her old body back and I felt I could relate. Being overweight when you have been thin before is hard. She mentioned when she goes to pick up the kids from school, that people stare and she sometimes feels bad. I feel like people stare, but how I feel I can relate is when I did go through major Anxiety – I felt people would/were judging and I felt embarrassed. Not just for me, but for Clark. Here he had a wife who was seemingly ‘normal’ one moment, and then a wreck the next. There were many many days where I just wanted to die because I felt Clark deserved someone better and that I failed him as a wife.

Hers and my experiences are completely different. It was just emotional to watch because I could only imagine with my own experiences to reference – what she goes through and I wish I could just hug her and ask her to be my friend, and how much her example of life is helping others like myself to feel not so alone in the world.

The lesson I learned in this video, was a vibrant reminder that I have indeed created a new life of my own. Throughout my trial Clark was my rock. An immovable force of Love that symbolized a Christ-like warmth. My days of wearing little to no make-up, no motivation to get ready for the day, and many many days of being so overwhelmed with Anxiety and depressed that I feared leaving the house – he still loved me and made me feel beautiful no matter what. All the while motivating and supporting me seeking an answer to what in the world is going on and how can I be happy in life again? The answer was found by diving into the Gospel and leaning on God for support. Falling to my knees and having Faith that my Heavenly father will provide a way. And He did. Step by step. Little by little, to where I am today – and I am HAPPY! :D He sent me angels and showed me signs that He hears my prayers and is there waiting and ready to help me if I just ask and utilize even an ounce of Faith and patience – He will respond. Trust Him.

Gaining weight since being married has been hard, but My Family is my support. My wonderful, beautiful Mother in-law – my Father In-law, sister in-laws and my handsome husband have all gathered together to lose weight as a team . They’re my consistency and motivation. I desire to be healthy, but it’s hard to do it alone when it feels overwhelming or feels like everybody around you has what you don’t. Nie Nie mentioned a feeling like this in her video. Her family is her support and motivation to press on and I’m lucky enough to have a similar situation. When I was going through major changes in my life that just took the wind right out of my sail and I just let my body go- I’m now at square one to build my new body as a symbol of my new life. I am so thankful for family. For the Love they radiate – sourced by The Spirit of charity.

I realize I first had to heal my spirit, then heal my mind, and now I’m working on my body. God had a plan for me and I have a firm testimony in my heart that this has all been meant to be. There are days where I fall back to my knees because I just don’t feel good enough, or I’m just tired of trying. Clark then wraps his arms around me so I can feel a physical – mortal representation of Heavenly Father doing the same. Reminding me that all I need to do is press on, keep trying. My Father In-Law has a saying that fits perfectly, “Carry on, carry on, carry on.“

Nie Nie will be scarred for the rest of her life and will never have her exact same look again in this life. But she still has beauty. To me, I see a pillar of strength that makes her a vibrant – beautiful woman. She has days too, I’m sure – where she just falls to her knee’s to have her cup refilled with motivation to press on like I do and we all do. Her example reminds me and others I’m sure what it means to keep going in life. That’s what our voices are all here for and what Elder Ballard mentioned in his talk to speak out on your blogs and other forms of social media on the web. Spread the Gospel, spread the good news it brings in your life – be there for others to help keep them pressing forward in the right direction.

Nie Nie did that for me today. I hope that I can too.

You might not have been burned in a fire, struggled with self-image or Anxiety… maybe your trial in life is simply finding ways to relate to others who are going through major physical or mental challenges that you have no clue about – and you’re placed in a position where you lack wisdom or the words to comfort. God is there for us all. His love heals. Take a drink of it and carry on, carry on, carry on. :)

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