Rebecca's Blog

Here’s a text from Clark that I received just before I got on my blog to update you all as I close up this trip. This is what I have to look forward to – returning home

“The bathroom is a slippery wet mess! Hero AND Tiny BOTH were caught under the bed having a little Tea Party. After a wet scolding Hero finally escaped. The door fell off and Tiny shot out, too. They ran from me like they’ve never run in their lives!!! The curtain cable caught Hero and he jumped in terror. I tossed them in the bathroom and they did a slip ‘n slide across the wet floor into the tub wall. What an event! I’m still huffing and puffing.”

HAHAHA!!! I wish I was there to record it! That’s hilarious!

I THOUGHT I was getting my back aligned at the chiropractor yesterday, but it was actually today. I closed out yesterday by taking pictures of most of my nieces and nephews. I’ll post them on the net soon, most likely Sunday or Monday. Today was the Chiropractor alignment and Health Seminar on Energy Food.

I have NEVER had my back aligned by a Chiropractor before – but I am SOLD! WOW, what a difference it makes! It freaked me out at first because I thought he was going to snap my neck off, but he twisted me like a pretzel and nearly climbed on me and made me BLUSH! Didn’t help that he looked like a Soap Opera star… :$ Sheesh! Now all I need to do is have Clark go to Chiropractor school and we’ll be set! No, but really it is so important to take care of the spine as it is connected to the health of your neurological development and overall well being. I don’t want to become one of those granny’s that is hunched over late in life and neither does Clark want to be a hunched over grandpa. It costs a lot of money, but just as I heard in the Seminar the other day:

“Many people spend their Health to get their Fortune and then end up having to spend their fortune to get back their Health.”

It’s a far better investment to pay to RETAIN and MAINTAIN your Health now, so you’ll live longer and live STRONGER. AND live HAPPIER!

Tonight’s Seminar on Energy Health foods was fun. I learned some amazing things about what to look out for when purchasing your food at the Market. Here’s the Quick Note version:

• When you see on the front label of your bread “Whole Grain”, “No Trans-Fat”, look for two things on the back in the ingredients. Partially Hydrogenated, or Hydrogenated *IS* trans-fat which leads to cancer and all major illnesses. But it says 0 – trans fat, how can it still have trans-fat? Well… they can bypass ‘telling the truth’ if they meet this % of trans-fat to be able to ‘make the sale’ with the statement “0 Trans Fat”. Also, if it feels like you could squish the bread to the size of 3 slices (which the lady actually showed us how you really can) it more than likely does not have the Healthy REAL Whole Grain that it’s trying to tell you it does have [not]. Look on the back for ‘Stone Ground Wheat‘, or actually – just look for a label on the bread that says 100% Stone Ground Wheat. 
• Things like Power Bars and Rock Star Energy Drinks – while they may claim to ‘give you energy’, the ingredients within them actually cost you Nutrients (vital ones) to process in your body. Basically, if you can leave it out and come back 2 weeks later and the product still looks the same – what do you think it does sitting in your body? TURNS TO FAT! *YUCK*! Is it worth losing Nutrients to be awake or have energy for less than an hour? Eat VEGGIES and take a walk!
• Most important tip if you are to remember anything: The less ingredients – the BETTER the food. The more ingredients you can understand and KNOW what they are – the BETTER the food! Learn to read LABELS instead of Titles of food products.
• If you can and you have one near – the best thing you could do for you and your Family is shop at Whole Foods or any store of the like. It may look as though you’re spending more money (when really, it’s not that much more) but Whole Food (The REAL stuff) actually fills you more so in the end you’re paying the same amount because you’re not buying food as often.

Increase Your Energy: Top Ten Ways

1. Reduce or eliminate caffeine: The ups and downs of caffeine include dehydration and blood sugar ups and downs, making mood swings more frequent. 
2. Drink Water: Most Americans are chronically dehydrated. Before you go to sugar or caffeine, have a glass of water and wait a few minutes to see what happens. Caution: soft drinks are now America’s number one source of added sugar. 
3. Eat dark leafy green vegetables: Green is associated with spring, the time of renewal and refreshing, vital energy. Greens are full of vitamins and nutrients and great for improving circulation, lifting the spirit, purifying the blood and strengthening the immune system. Broccoli, collards, bok choy, kale, mustard greens, broccoli rabe, arugula and dandelion greens are some of the many to choose from. 
4. Use gentle sweets: Avoid sugar and chemicalized artificial sweeteners. Use gentle sweeteners like maple syrup, brown rice syrup, agave nectar and stevia. Also eat sweet vegetables such as yams, carrots and beets.
5. Get Physical Activity: Start with simple activities, like walking or yoga — start with 10 minutes a day and increase.
6. Get more sleep and rest and relaxation: When you are tired or stressed, your body will crave energy. These cravings are often a result of being sleep-deprived, going to bed late, waking up early, for months and years on end. 
7. Evaluate the amount of animal food you eat: Eating too much meat, dairy, chicken and eggs can lead to low energy. So can eating too little! Experiment. Respect your body’s individuality.
8. Take time for yourself: Find activities that restore your energy, such as a walk, a bath, a museum, a movie or whatever you enjoy, and schedule a weekly date with yourself to do these things!
9. Get in touch with your spirituality: We are all spiritual beings in a physical world. Find ways to get in touch with your spiritual side, be it meditating, dancing, drawing, Church, Temple or being in nature. 
10. Get rid of relationships that drain you: People can drain you of your energy. It doesn’t mean that they are bad, but it is good to notice who drains you and why. See if you can transform those relationships by communicating and settling boundaries, or end the relationship.

***

I have all the tools I need now.

All I need to remember is to take adequate time for myself and breathe. I need to have patience and make myself Top Priority — which doesn’t mean not to put others first, but learn when I need to take a step back and remember what I need too.

THANK YOU MOM AND DAD!!!! I *LOVE* you!

***

Clark’s Scavenger Hunt Day 8

After LOST, we got hooked a Sci Fi series that is INCREDIBLE! Which show is that?

See: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NYOEu7Gx0VE

***
Find Today’s Treat… You have enough treats now- eat what you haven’t finished today!

Dinner: There’s Hamburger meat still in the freezer, make yourself a yummy Hamburger!

Activity: Get some good sleep – I’m coming home tomorrow morning!!!

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WOW, WOW, WOW!!!!!

First off, I didn’t blog yesterday because the internet at my Parents house was down. But I NEED to talk about what just happened today first, then I’ll share what happened yesterday.

I just had my Holistic Massage and the type of Therapist that she is, is that she performs Craniosacral Massage/Therapy. WOW.

This is what I learned:

Simply put: I had to let someone go. I know that that has been the MAJOR influence of my Anxiety. I thought I had let him go, but through this experience I knew I hadn’t completely.

I believe everything in life happens for a reason, and as long as we keep GOD as our guide- everything will fall into place perfectly. Here is the journey that I’ve been led on that I believe has brought me to this trip to UT for a REASON.

I have been brought to this high anxiety for a specific reason this past year. It got so bad, that (that was step 1 of 3 of my journey) right before I was to go to Nauvoo (step 2) I had this overwhelming feeling of fear that was restricting me from the desire to go to Nauvoo. Once in Nauvoo- I felt SO STRONG that I was brought to that place for a divine reason. I felt at my absolute HAPPIEST in Nauvoo and I now understand that happiness to be divine, to be pure, to be loving, to be peace = HEAVEN. ZION.

Now, in UT (step 3) I have been brought to several ‘Angels’. Each giving me a piece to the puzzle that I know and feel will be complete by the end of this trip. Each ‘Angel’ has provided me with tools to help LOVE myself. Debbie (The Holistic – Craniosacral Therapist) helped give me the spiritual (she is LDS) tools I’ll need to continue my journey. She first taught me that there is a female and male side to everybody. She felt that there was a male entity that was the main issue to my anxiety that was holding me back. It is so hard to describe everything that I learned, but there was such a strong spirit during this session that I just felt and knew things – does that make sense? She took me on this verbal – spiritual journey in my mind and had me visualize and ask questions. I mentioned in a previous post that one of the most traumatic experiences I’ve had in my life was the death of my best friend Michael. He was the main male person that I could think of and so she asked me to visualize him in a peaceful setting and had me visualize him so we could speak to him. I had a hard time visualizing him and I described to her that I consistently battle with myself like there’s two parts of me that compete. She said she could feel that, and told me that I need to think less with my head and think more with my heart. Well… when she mentioned heart all I could think of was the organ. She said that’s exactly what’s holding me back STOP thinking with your head and think with your spirit – your heart. Go into your heart and allow yourself to be open and receive the vision instead of trying to create it. Well, once I did that I was led to a vision of a stream and greenery. Part of it was dark and part of it was light and vibrant. Then as we spoke more about how I was feeling, I was then brought to Nauvoo. I was led to the Mississippi River – down the Trail of Tears that is now called the Trail of Hope and I was now at the end of the trail that meets the River. There I could now see Michael – dressed in a pure white gown. There we held hands and sat at the edge of the water. I felt this overwhelming feeling of warmth and love. She helped me speak with him and she said that she could hear and see what he wanted me to know but she wanted me to ask him and find out for myself. I could sense or “hear” words from him: Peace, I love you very much. She asked me what I thought those words meant and how I felt. She told me to ask him 3 questions, and I got through the second question (First being: “Are you happy”, “yes”, “Will I be ok?” “if you learn to trust yourself“, “Will you help me” “…”) I got frustrated and felt and saw the vision fading. It made sense because it’s hard for me to ask for help… but she told me to not worry about that and to focus on remaining in my heart. She asked me what I thought he wanted for me. But I couldn’t get past the frustration of not being able to hear him or see the vision anymore. She then said, well listen to what I’m getting and let me know if it makes sense to you or if you can relate:

I feel from him that he needs you to let him go. He needs to progress in Heaven, but he’s so worried about you that he’s been hanging around you ever since he past away. In Heaven they don’t have the same stresses or worries that we have – and you may be envious or jealous of him, but your nurturing side is still holding on to him and not letting him continue on his journey in Heaven. It’s also holding you back.

I was bauling by this point – SOBBING uncontrollably. I knew this was true. I felt it – hard.

She then said, we need to give him a gift. Bring him towards you (At this point I was back in the vision and brought him in front of me) – and tell me what that gift in your hand is: “A Butterfly“. She asked me to tell him what that gift means “Fly” So your giving him what gift? What does it symbolize?“The gift of freedom“. I was crying some more as I said this, and uncontrollably said “I don’t want to let him go!!! But she said I needed to and I knew it. She said that she had to do this same thing in letting go of her son who passed away not that long ago. She said to call Jesus to me, visualize his arms around me and as I was holding on to Jesus to tell Michael that I will be OK, I will be Happy, and that I give him the gift of freedom and that I’m letting him go now. Ask him if there is anything that he needed to tell me, and I felt that I “heard” him say that I’ll see him again and that he loves me very much. She told me to hold on to Jesus and watch Michael walk away. We were standing at that same spot – on the edge of the Mississippi River and I held on to Jesus as I saw Michael walk across the River until he disappeared.

She then told me to ask Jesus for a gift, and to look at His hand. She told me to tell her what I saw: “A key”. She asked me what I felt that key symbolized: “My safety zone, a doorway to where I can feel this safety again” She told me to put that key in a safe place to where I can access it again. We worked through that and then she told me that I can and need to hold onto Jesus now, to focus on him now that I’ve let Michael go.

She then taught me some breathing exercises that we used through this entire process and we went through them again as we closed out the session. We then talked about this whole experience and I felt that this entire ‘vision’ was SO symbolic. Key parts:

The edge of the Missippi River: That very spot the Pioneers had to make a sacrifice in letting Nauvoo go just as I had to let Michael go.

Letting Michael go: So he could progress on his journey in Heaven. He walked across the River towards his Journey just as the Pioneers did. I had to let him go so I could progress on mine.

Why did I pick the Missippi River for the place to where Michael and I would meet or why was that spot so clear for me in this vision?: Because it is where I felt at my peak happiness. It was there that I felt SO CLOSE to Heaven.

After the session I felt SO LIGHT. I don’t feel heavy and full of angst anymore. I felt more open in my ‘center’. She told me that now I will be more open and receptive to love and able to give more love and give MORE love to Clark. There’s nothi
ng holding me back anymore. I feel at peace – COMPLETELY in letting Michael go because I KNEW it was something I had to do and needed to do.

She also told me that I don’t need to learn how to conquer myself (the world ‘conquer’ is too much like ‘fighting’ or ‘competing), I need to learn to LOVE myself. She says EVERYTHING centers on love. She also told me that I need to be VERY attentive in how I speak to myself. She said your mind doesn’t know the difference between a lie or truth – it believes everything that you tell it, so be attentive to how you speak and when you speak to yourself and every time you catch yourself speaking something negative, to remind yourself that all your words are full of wisdom. And to tell myself something positive.

She also told me that she could feel and see negative entities around me and inside me when I arrived, she helped remove them but she told me very seriously that I need to protect myself. She said every morning when I wake up to pray to God and ask Him to send me Angels to protect me through the day.

I told her that I feel that by the end of this trip I’ll have all my answers, and she said: You will.

This was an AMAZING session!!!!

It’s like all these people I’m meeting are ‘Angels’. I was meant to get to the peak of Anxiety – led to Nauvoo and then led to this Trip to UT all to let Michael go and receive the tools needed to take control of my Journey and get on the path to Zion: To Peace, to Love. To where I NEED to be. There has been a perfect order in meeting all these people, these ‘Angels’.

The ‘Angels’:

My therapist Mark: Who taught me the ABC technique to help me : Accept the situation, Breathe through it, Choose

The RN: Who taught me that I need to learn to Accept the traumatic experiences of my past, that I need to Nurture my body so I can be receptive to the spirit and be in control instead of letting the Anxiety take control of me.

The Nutritionist: Who taught me which herbs I need to take to help Nurture my body and help me work through my anxiety.

The Chiropractor who gave a seminar on the power of the mind. The neurological part of our body.

Debbie, the Craniosacral Therapist: Who taught me HOW to Breathe and also taught me how to focus on thinking with my heart (the Spirit) and less with my brain. She also taught me that if you want something bad enough – there is power in choosing by the Spirit.

Absolutely AMAZING.
***

Yesterday (Day 6) I did not go to the OBGYN. I instead met with a Nutritionist who helped me select some herbs to help calm my body when I have Anxiety Attacks and also specific herbs and supplements to help even my mood and nurture my body. We then went to the Chiropractor Office my Mom works at and there was a seminar on the importance of nurturing and taking care of the neurological system of our body and how powerful it can be. Stress can impact your body in a serious way.

***

Today I had that session with the Craniosacral Therapist and this evening we’ll be going back to the Chiropractor to get my back aligned.

The pieces of the puzzle are coming together and I feel the completion of the puzzle coming near.

So powerful.

So AMAZING!

***

I am so grateful I have a husband who supports me in all things. Each day I have been so excited to tell him all I’ve learned, and after I told him everything I described above in this post, he texted me and said after we got off the phone:

“I am SO happy that you were able to go to Utah and have this time to find answers and become more of your potential. I love you SO much and can’t wait for you to come be in our house again!”

 I love Clark with all of my heart and he inspires me to be a better woman and he inspires me to be closer to God. True Love is what it feels like to be close to the Spirit and I feel close to the Spirit when I’m with Clark, when I’m with my Family and that is how I KNOW without a shadow of a doubt that The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints is the True and Living Church.

***

Clark’s Scavenger Hunt Day 6

“It’s GEWD!”

Nuff said, watch this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8NAzjn3lGEo&feature=related

***

Find Today’s Treat… Clue: They’re small, some are green and some are red. We take them every morning & every night. They help us stay healthy and strong! You like to sing “If you won’t and you don’t _____”

Dinner: Mahi Mahi OR Salmon & Rice

Activity: Cable Guy!!!

Clark sent me these pictures:

 

 

Clark’s Scavenger Hunt Day 7

This was the first series we watched after the LONG stretch of 24. We didn’t think that ANY other TV series could be NEARLY as good as 24… little did we know we’d get so hooked!

See: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3cZy8SGLkQk&feature=related

***

Find Today’s Treat… Clue… There’s a chip dip dish that we never use – where is it?

Dinner: KFC !

Activity: Matrix #2

Clark sent me this picture:

 
***

Just FYI — I still haven’t started my period, I took the second Pregnancy test and it said:

I guess we’ll just have to wait and see. If I miss my period a second time – then we should know for sure

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A Relaxing Fun Day!

I slept in today, woke up had breakfast with my Mom (she fed me a Duck egg and laughed so hard after she told me it was a duck egg. It’s SO my mom to sneak me foreign food, haha!) and did some school work. Then around noon my sister in-law Becky Kay called and I got myself ready and we went shopping at the Gateway Mall. I used a Gift Certificate from my In-Laws to buy some cute pants and perfume from Aeropostale. I generally don’t shop at that store- but it was fun to get a cute thing of my choosing After that we let her two little boys run around and I took some way cute pictures of them!

These are her boys (These pictures are from an older photo shoot about 2 years ago – I’ll post the pictures I took today within the next week):

Once we got home from our FUN outting, I was expressing to my sister how it’s SO WEIRD (warning to all the men, that the next few sentences are VERY Girl-Oriented) that I was supposed to start my period last Thursday, and everyday since I’ve had the cramping that should follow with the bleeding. Hmmm… I could have SWORN that I was FOR SURE starting my period THIS morning – but nothing! Today is Day 32, and I know without Birth Control I’m very irregular – but I’ve never gone later than 32 days. Clark always gets at me saying “You ALWAYS think you’re pregnant when you’re late, but just give yourself a few more days and you’ll start.” Which has been true in the past. Except – what my sister in-law said got me thinking : “I felt the SAME way right before I had Spencer and Jacob. I wore tampons and everything and I could have SWORN I was bleeding!” So we jumped in the car and went and got a pregnancy test. Tonight’s result was a very faint Negative. But I plan to use the second test Wednesday morning. Two reasons why I’m waiting until Wednesday:

1. I’m scheduled to see the OBGYN tomorrow morning
2. To take Clark’s advise and wait a few more days to see if I start, lol

I just think it’s REALLY weird that my body is behaving like I am bleeding – but there’s no blood. I mean, it REALLY feels like I’m on my period- not just the pre and post cramping.  I guess we’ll see!

Clark’s Scavenger Hunt Day 5

“C’mon STEVE’ON!!!”

Nuff Said, watch this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-CCMN9UvVf8&feature=related

***

Find Today’s Treat… Clue: *cough* *cough*… where could I find some cough drops?

Dinner: Mac ‘n Cheese & Chicken Nuggets WITH Green Beans (please)

Activity: Matrix!!!

Clark sent me this picture, I think his face looks hilarious! :

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Today I went to Church with my Parents and older sister Maren and her daughter Megan. It was fun to see all the people I grew up with while I lived here. They were all excited to see me and asked me all sorts of questions. It felt good to meet with them again.

After Church I had an appointment with a lady in the ward who is an RN. I listed out all my symptoms with her including my Anxiety and Stress related issues. She gave me some suggestions in relation to the physical symptoms that would be good to get checked out with the Dr. but she also brought up a VERY good point, which validated the feelings I had after meeting with my Therapist the other day. She said that when dealing with Anxiety and Stress un-managed, the brain being the core processor of the entire body – chemicals like cortisol are sent throughout the entire body that heightens the intensity of the Stress+Anxiety and can have some REAL physical affects – like illnesses and pains and aches. Diarrhea being a physical reaction to Anxiety. The majority of Anxiety and Stress – the physical reaction centers within the gut and where the majority of my symptoms reside in the gut area – it makes sense. She also mentioned that having traumatic experiences in the past, the recorded memories and feelings during and after those experiences can affect the rest of your life, but doesn’t have to run your life. She asked about my history and I shared with her the most traumatic experiences that I’ve gone through, which are:

• Traumatic Birth (I had pnemonia and had to stay in the ICU for nearly a month, etc)
• Jr. High — I was threatened in school that if we ever had to use the bathroom there would be consequences. So I ended up holding it the entire day, after school my bus was the first bus and when I got off the bus I would have to walk a mile uphill to get home and often times I wouldn’t make it all the way home.
• High School — My best friend killed himself. After his death I went quite a while in deep depression and developed destructive eating habits, i.e.: Anorexia & Bulimia
• Not that it’s seriously traumatic :  having had consistent therapy ever since my best friends death, and then moving to an entirely new area several miles from family + now having gone a year and a half with no therapy = very stressful. It was VERY refreshing meeting with my counselor on this trip

She explained to me that an experience like I had in Jr. High – where some people it doesn’t make any difference to them having to go to the bathroom or not- for me taught my mind that going to the bathroom is a sensitive issue.  Especially having the accidents like I had were very traumatic to my body. When I have heightened stress in my life – it inflames my Anxiety which heightens sensitive issues from past traumatic experiences. Going to counseling and managing these stresses will help teach me the tools to quiet the emotional side of my brian and teach my logical side how to manage the emotional side.

She highly recommended doing two things:

• Go to a Dr. and get some blood tests done: Thyroid & CBC to check and make sure that something physical inside isn’t going on. She didn’t discredit that it COULD be a Gluten Sensitivity, it COULD be Endometriosis, it also COULD be Thyroid. But these blood tests should show if it is.
• Going to a special kind of Therapy, EMDR. They specialize in training the logical side of the brain to quiet down and manage the emotional side of the brain. They approach the Belief, Emotional and Physical side of past traumatic experiences to where they don’t disrupt daily life. 

She strongly believes that Anxiety is the major influence of my present symptoms. Seeing how I made a major move a year and a half ago and not that long after – new and disruptive symptoms arose to the surface and past symptoms became more intensified is too much of a coincidence.

It feels SO GOOD to hear this. It’s like with each appointment I’ve had on this trip, a piece of the puzzle is coming together.

Clark’s Scavenger Hunt Day 4

Remember when we watched ‘a certain movie’ 5 times in the Theater? The majority of those 5 times was with your Mom & Dad. It was SO FUN! What was the most fun, was watching this movie with the surround sound that we helped your Dad set up downstairs. THAT was a fun time setting it up and pulling up the carpet hoping your Mom would never know. HAHA!!!

See: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o2GuK0kshNo&feature=related

***

Find Today’s Treat… Clue: “Clark could you reach up and get that _____ for me?”

Dinner: BBQ Chicken, Mashed Potatoes & Corn

Activity: 24, Alias or whatever movie is on TV… Read your favorite book CALL ME!

He sent me this picture today (this picture crack’s me up!!! hahaha!!!):

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