My New Life
4 May
If I were to wish anything on anyone – it would be a trial. An experience where you don’t know the answer and you do feel helpless. Where you’re forced down on your knees – not knowing what to do. Where you plea to your Heavenly Father, because the pain is too unbearable, and you ask Him to take it all away so you can just feel ‘normal‘ again…
This video made me cry with tears of empathy. I don’t know what it’s like to be burned in a fire, and I’m thankful I haven’t had to go through the same experiences she has had to… she’s so strong. I don’t know what it’s like to feel pain like hers when all she’s trying to do is take care of her kids and make sure their needs are met. But there was a part of the video where she was looking at an old picture of hers wishing for her old body back and I felt I could relate. Being overweight when you have been thin before is hard. She mentioned when she goes to pick up the kids from school, that people stare and she sometimes feels bad. I feel like people stare, but how I feel I can relate is when I did go through major Anxiety – I felt people would/were judging and I felt embarrassed. Not just for me, but for Clark. Here he had a wife who was seemingly ‘normal’ one moment, and then a wreck the next. There were many many days where I just wanted to die because I felt Clark deserved someone better and that I failed him as a wife.
Hers and my experiences are completely different. It was just emotional to watch because I could only imagine with my own experiences to reference – what she goes through and I wish I could just hug her and ask her to be my friend, and how much her example of life is helping others like myself to feel not so alone in the world.
The lesson I learned in this video, was a vibrant reminder that I have indeed created a new life of my own. Throughout my trial Clark was my rock. An immovable force of Love that symbolized a Christ-like warmth. My days of wearing little to no make-up, no motivation to get ready for the day, and many many days of being so overwhelmed with Anxiety and depressed that I feared leaving the house – he still loved me and made me feel beautiful no matter what. All the while motivating and supporting me seeking an answer to what in the world is going on and how can I be happy in life again? The answer was found by diving into the Gospel and leaning on God for support. Falling to my knees and having Faith that my Heavenly father will provide a way. And He did. Step by step. Little by little, to where I am today – and I am HAPPY! 
He sent me angels and showed me signs that He hears my prayers and is there waiting and ready to help me if I just ask and utilize even an ounce of Faith and patience – He will respond. Trust Him.
Gaining weight since being married has been hard, but My Family is my support. My wonderful, beautiful Mother in-law – my Father In-law, sister in-laws and my handsome husband have all gathered together to lose weight as a team . They’re my consistency and motivation. I desire to be healthy, but it’s hard to do it alone when it feels overwhelming or feels like everybody around you has what you don’t. Nie Nie mentioned a feeling like this in her video. Her family is her support and motivation to press on and I’m lucky enough to have a similar situation. When I was going through major changes in my life that just took the wind right out of my sail and I just let my body go- I’m now at square one to build my new body as a symbol of my new life. I am so thankful for family. For the Love they radiate – sourced by The Spirit of charity.
I realize I first had to heal my spirit, then heal my mind, and now I’m working on my body. God had a plan for me and I have a firm testimony in my heart that this has all been meant to be. There are days where I fall back to my knees because I just don’t feel good enough, or I’m just tired of trying. Clark then wraps his arms around me so I can feel a physical – mortal representation of Heavenly Father doing the same. Reminding me that all I need to do is press on, keep trying. My Father In-Law has a saying that fits perfectly, “Carry on, carry on, carry on.“
Nie Nie will be scarred for the rest of her life and will never have her exact same look again in this life. But she still has beauty. To me, I see a pillar of strength that makes her a vibrant – beautiful woman. She has days too, I’m sure – where she just falls to her knee’s to have her cup refilled with motivation to press on like I do and we all do. Her example reminds me and others I’m sure what it means to keep going in life. That’s what our voices are all here for and what Elder Ballard mentioned in his talk to speak out on your blogs and other forms of social media on the web. Spread the Gospel, spread the good news it brings in your life – be there for others to help keep them pressing forward in the right direction.
Nie Nie did that for me today. I hope that I can too.
You might not have been burned in a fire, struggled with self-image or Anxiety… maybe your trial in life is simply finding ways to relate to others who are going through major physical or mental challenges that you have no clue about – and you’re placed in a position where you lack wisdom or the words to comfort. God is there for us all. His love heals. Take a drink of it and carry on, carry on, carry on. 
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