Finding the True Me

This is what my counselor and I have planned out. Even though I am still uprooting ‘this’ and ‘that’ in my past life/mind, for the most part I have cleared out my mind and am now ready to pursue the journey of creating the new and improved ‘true me’. She assigned me to put together a bunch of pictures of myself that represent the IMAGE of the ‘true me’ and to write above them and repeat to myself at least once a day “I am becoming my true self. I LOVE me”. That this will help teach myself the truth, that I can and deserve to lose weight and it will help my mind visualize what is the ‘true me’.

Since I am on the computer most everyday, I decided to make my computer wallpaper this "visualizing board"

My biggest issue right now is I envy those who can ‘hide’ their struggles. Other people who struggle with being self-conscience, maybe they have an addiction, etc etc. For me I feel that everyone can see my struggle. I am currently overweight… it hurts for me because I know what it feels like to be thinner. I never wanted to be the Bride who gained weight after getting married. I “let myself go” and I am extremely embarrassed by it.

I realize and I have been told by my counselor repeatedly that I am too hard on myself and I have to love myself if I want to lose the weight. I have been self-sabatoging myself and I need to stop or I’ll stay where I am at and that is NOT where I want to be. But to look at and praise myself for all the progress I have been making. I do see it. I am SO happy about everything I have accomplished so far in forgiving the past and letting a lot of things go and clearing out all the chains that were binding me down. I have accomplished SO MUCH is such a short period of time and I am so happy about it. My mind is a fresh garden of brand new blossoms and I am slowly but surely letting the sunshine in to help them grow.

This last remaining task involves just me. I need to forgive myself, let everything go. I can understand now why — when I tried this months ago – when it never consistently worked – was because I had ALOT of ‘gunk’ in my mind that was preventing the progress. I was naive to it all, I didn’t know any better. It took a dramatic episode in my life to wake me up to all that needed to be removed so I could have a clearer focus on myself and making a permanent change both mentally and physically.

I feel that I’ll make that permanent change now, because I am more open to the change.

So, here’s the game plan everyone. In those pictures [above] I was roughly about 110 – 120. I am currently 180. I have 60 lbs to lose and my counselor has told me “DO NOT give yourself a due date!” So, I don’t know when I’ll reach my goal weight, but I know I WILL reach it. For now, I just have to learn to love myself completely, exercise the best I can and eat right the best I know how. ♥