Ch. 3 "Friends"
4 Jul
Jumping forward a little bit in these ‘Chapters of Life‘ , because this topic has been on my mind this past week as I have experienced Friends vs. “Friends”. I am sincerely not complaining about this, as I have realized that this is LIFE and why I feel that I want to add this topic as its own chapter on my Blog/Journal. Something I want ME to remember (or to remind myself) as well as my kids to know that it’s normal and it’s not THEM. Because if the genetics pass down being sensitive and easily taking things personal – hopefully I can spare them the unnecessary concern. 
I grew up with some select friends and it seems like the moment I got married, they all vanished. I’ve come across a few other friends who have experienced the same scenario. They too ask themselves, “Did I do anything? Have I changed… for the worse? What happened?!”. The ‘vanished friends’ came around, we started chit-chatting here and there – and then *poof!* Gone again.
Others got married as well, and the silence is even more profound. I have attempted to call, email – leave notes on the infamous Facebook ‘Wall’ (Hey bonus! At least they wanted to be ‘virtual friends’ haha! )… no response. Do I stink? 
Ok, I’ll be honest- I did cry. Sensitive ‘ol me. But then after I prayed about it, thought about it – I have realized… I don’t stink, I’m not lame and I haven’t changed for the worse- but I have changed. Right along with life, people change and sometimes they don’t fit compatibly anymore. The road of life divides and sometimes “Friends” decide they don’t want to be on your same road, ‘just because’. Not for any bad or good reason, just because they choose a different route.
I don’t take it personal, but it does sting no doubt. It hurts to lose someone you care about to the wind, but hopefully they drift back in my direction at some point in the future – because I would love to talk again and reminiscence about old times. I want to know how their life is going, if I can help or just be someone they vent to. I would love to meet up when we have kids and have them play together and be friends like we were. But… it takes two to make a friendship work, and no sense wasting time speaking to a ‘brick wall’ and worrying if I said/did something wrong - if they aren’t giving back the same effort as I am extending forward [in friendship] towards their direction. All I can do is let them know in the best way I know how – that I am here anytime they want to be friends. 
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I hear ya beck. For me it’s the “single syndrome”. All my friends are married and it seems hard for us to get together. I kinda feel like I can’t be part of the group since I’m not married or dating anyone. Of course, it’s true that obviously it’d be awkward to have friends and their husbands and then just me. And we are in different places in life, so it makes complete sense. But it still sucks. Ha ha.
I understand your disappointments with friendship you had with your friends. My understanding is that families sometimes are there for us while friends tend to come and go. Sometimes families can be good and supportive while other families are not.
For instance, all my relatives live in Italy and Miami, FLA. I get to see my father and relatives in Miami only once a year. Am I close to them? No since I have my own life here in the Pacific NW. Plus I have different kind of lifestyle.
Sometimes I feel frustrated with a few friends, whom I cannot trust. Still I have a hope that I meet new friends, so that way I can build up true friendships in the near future.
It is also true that a few of my friends, who are still happily married and it is somewhat hard for me to be friends with them since I am divorced and a single mother. And I have experienced Domestic Violence in a previous marriage.
The important thing is that I focus by taking care of myself, my son and my cat – Como. Also, I have tasks, which I want to accomplish such as taking care of my home, yard, and home businesses. I also constantly remember to count my blessings based on what I have.
My advice for you to be happy of what you have such as you have a husband and family members to share with. Perhaps you may meet new friends in the near future. I hope that you continue by counting your blessings based on what you have.
It’s hard to lose track of old friends. In my experience, it seems like people are just wired differently in that way. There are those who are able to maintain connections long-term, even when people physically move away from their immediate sphere, and there are those who can’t seem to hold on to a friendship once they don’t physically see or hang out with that person regularly. Clearly, you are one of those who can maintain a long-distance friendship, and that’s a good quality to have.
So you’re right in your resolve not to take it personally. But that doesn’t mean you still don’t miss/mourn the friend, right? That’s what a good friend does!
=)
Thank you for understanding Em. Also, thank you for being a life-long friend! You’re one of the few childhood buddies of mine who has always been willing to stay in touch.
♥ It has meant a lot to me.
Ladyravenna — Good words of wisdom: to always take time to appreciate what you have in the moment. I agree
Thank you for understanding Sue. It totally hurts, when you’ve invested so much of your heart into a friend, and then one major life change and they split!
It’s good to have family, and always fun to make new friends. You can only hope they last 
But live in the moment and appreciate what/who you have! ♥