Progress has been made in counseling and we’ve narrowed down the culprit. Aside from episodes of depression (a.k.a. ‘gloomy days’) and my current state of ‘must be perfectness‘ – what is holding me back from reaching or ‘being’ at my ideal weight is emotional eating/sweets. I crave healthy food all day long and I eat the proper amounts of it, but if something sets me off and I feel the need to be comforted – I instinctively reach for anything sweet.
So, now that I know what it is that gets at me – I can now re-route to a healthy habit. I’ve also made a point to not eat while at the computer/ reading / or watching T.V. The reason being, is there have been mult. studies done where the slower you eat, and the more you pay attention to the way you’re eating – the less food you’ll eat and the faster you’ll get full. When I do eat sweets, it’s normally while watching T.V. or at the computer. So, there you go. 
Found the bad habit – and now I can change it!
Woo hoo! 
***
So all that is VERY good news. But to explain the title of this post is: it isn’t always easy. Like I said, I get episodes of depression and this HUGE false urgency that tells me I failed, because I need to be perfect. ‘What a ‘turkey’ I am to mess up’, I say to myself. My counselor told me the other day, “Becky, the only thing – really – that is holding you back is you. You have full control on this. You don’t need to be so hard on yourself, because the reality is – it’s not that big of a deal. When you get depressed after Clark or someone else gets irritated with you, most of the time they’re not really upset with you! They’re either upset with themselves or someone/something else. When you eat a sweet because you’re feeling down – don’t worry! It’s not the end of the world. You really just need to learn to love YOU and let go. “
To clarify me getting down when Clark gets upset with me or something I messed up on – it’s not nearly as ‘bad’ as it sounds. This is merely frustration – but I am as sensitive as a fresh opened wound. The slightest bit of anger/contention sets me off. I am ULTRA sensitive and have been my entire life. I almost always take things WAY more personal than I need to, and that’s something I’ve been working on as well at counseling. I take this ‘gift’ of sensitivity as a good thing, but I need to fine-tune it so I don’t let it be used as a bad thing, when I take things too personal and then get depressed over it. Because it links to other bad habits as well (i.e. ‘Comfort Food’). Clark hardly gets frustrated with me – I have taken things too personal when I feel frustration from him – because he’s the last person I want to disappoint because I love him so much and I always want to make him happy because he makes me so happy! ♥ I do realize that getting frustrated is a natural thing and goes both ways. I get frustrated with other people, just as much as they do with me. I just don’t like contention all together. I much rather have peace ALL the time.
Always a good thing when I find the roots to the problem – so I can move forward towards total healing.
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I do the same when eating. Hey your pictures in your header are great!!! You look a lot like your mum! And Clark–Looks like the guy from Heroes in the pic on the far left!
Thank you Christine! ♥