I Know What I Could Do – But It Isn't Always That Easy
17 Jun
Progress has been made in counseling and we’ve narrowed down the culprit. Aside from episodes of depression (a.k.a. ‘gloomy days’) and my current state of ‘must be perfectness‘ – what is holding me back from reaching or ‘being’ at my ideal weight is emotional eating/sweets. I crave healthy food all day long and I eat the proper amounts of it, but if something sets me off and I feel the need to be comforted – I instinctively reach for anything sweet.
So, now that I know what it is that gets at me – I can now re-route to a healthy habit. I’ve also made a point to not eat while at the computer/ reading / or watching T.V. The reason being, is there have been mult. studies done where the slower you eat, and the more you pay attention to the way you’re eating – the less food you’ll eat and the faster you’ll get full. When I do eat sweets, it’s normally while watching T.V. or at the computer. So, there you go. 
Found the bad habit – and now I can change it!
Woo hoo! 
***
So all that is VERY good news. But to explain the title of this post is: it isn’t always easy. Like I said, I get episodes of depression and this HUGE false urgency that tells me I failed, because I need to be perfect. ‘What a ‘turkey’ I am to mess up’, I say to myself. My counselor told me the other day, “Becky, the only thing – really – that is holding you back is you. You have full control on this. You don’t need to be so hard on yourself, because the reality is – it’s not that big of a deal. When you get depressed after Clark or someone else gets irritated with you, most of the time they’re not really upset with you! They’re either upset with themselves or someone/something else. When you eat a sweet because you’re feeling down – don’t worry! It’s not the end of the world. You really just need to learn to love YOU and let go. “
To clarify me getting down when Clark gets upset with me or something I messed up on – it’s not nearly as ‘bad’ as it sounds. This is merely frustration – but I am as sensitive as a fresh opened wound. The slightest bit of anger/contention sets me off. I am ULTRA sensitive and have been my entire life. I almost always take things WAY more personal than I need to, and that’s something I’ve been working on as well at counseling. I take this ‘gift’ of sensitivity as a good thing, but I need to fine-tune it so I don’t let it be used as a bad thing, when I take things too personal and then get depressed over it. Because it links to other bad habits as well (i.e. ‘Comfort Food’). Clark hardly gets frustrated with me – I have taken things too personal when I feel frustration from him – because he’s the last person I want to disappoint because I love him so much and I always want to make him happy because he makes me so happy! ♥ I do realize that getting frustrated is a natural thing and goes both ways. I get frustrated with other people, just as much as they do with me. I just don’t like contention all together. I much rather have peace ALL the time.
Always a good thing when I find the roots to the problem – so I can move forward towards total healing.
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I do the same when eating. Hey your pictures in your header are great!!! You look a lot like your mum! And Clark–Looks like the guy from Heroes in the pic on the far left!
Thank you Christine! ♥