The people who have surfed through my mind lately have been Oprah and Wynonna Judd. These women help me to feel relatively “normal” because they both inspire to be thin, their weight goes up and down, they haven’t taken any extreme ‘out’ like lipo-suction – but they have dieted which according to my Nutrition class I just took, is the sure road to endless misery because you’ll always be dieting for the rest of your life. Mostly due to the fact that as soon as you start eating ‘normal’ you’ll gain back all the weight you lost. The way my class taught is to exercise consistently and eat the full Food Pyramid and have small portions. Make it a life-style rather than a route to just lose weight. But it takes SO long… 
I get mopey because lately I’ve had the biggest impulse to ’speed things up’. I’m losing weight here, staying the same there, gaining a pound ever so often. I imagine Oprah and Wynonna to have the same thought that often crosses
my mind: “I would give anything to wear those pants and look that good.” I know I shouldn’t be jealous. I realize that my time will come and because I was patient and consistent – my results will last longer than had I gave into my impulse and didn’t eat for days, or other alternative routes to losing weight ‘fast’.
The mistake I often make is resist buying a shirt or pants or whatever it might be because it’s a huge number. Stupid stores don’t all use the same number-pant-system so one store could REALLY make you depressed whereas another store could boost your self-esteem. I see these two women and they are absolutely beautiful to me. They are ‘bigger’ women, but still so beautiful – and I need to remember that I can wear a bigger size pants/shirt than the skinny chick over there and still look pretty… I just don’t always remember that. I often feel that I don’t deserve to wear something trendy because in my mind I feel I’d look silly or just plain HUGE.
Lately I’ve become a huge fan of dresses, to avoid the stress of finding the right pair of pants that fit. It also helps me to feel more feminine and I like that 
.
I do wish for my thin body to arrive quicker… I want it not just to feel better – but also more importantly for my health. I honestly feel that a lot of my remaining anxiety and my EXTREMELY painful cramps has a lot to do with the weight I’ve gained.
Alright… so I’m through with venting… I know a lot of my women/men Readers have had the same thoughts or feelings. Thanks for listening
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3 Comments
One thing that amazes me about the whole “weight” issue is the emotional balance we humans attach to it. Really, the number on the tag shouldn’t have any correlation with self esteem… yet, it does.
I’m baffled sometimes as well with the complicated approach people take to the body, which actually operates on a level, consistent formula.
Intake + Output = Physique.
Not misery + abstinence = beauty
or
indulgence + sloveliness = worthlessness.
The last two formulas are the contorted, emotionally based reasoning that makes the whole process of fueling the body so DEPRESSING and complicated.
Eating should never be laced with guilt – we should be thrilled to have the means to satisfy our need for nourishment, and take the energy consumed and burn it brightly in activities we actually enjoy. I have watched people punish themselves at gyms and punish themselves again over the table. Why? Why is there so much negativity in something that is so right and natural?
Anyway… Rebecca, I get the impression that your husband adores you, and I think you’re probably pretty dang cute. I hope you give yourself some credit for everything you do right for your body, and wish you the best on your journey.
Just keep holding on to that positivity Rebecca. I know it’s so hard. I have so far to go myself, and it’s really discouraging sometimes. Especially when the junk food beckons.
@JH
WOW… JH, THANK YOU SO MUCH for your reply. I’ve never looked at it that way. You are so right in how we too easily associate eating with a ‘negative’. It should be something to enjoy – but controlled. Or, is over-focusing on the ‘control’ a negative? That if we focused on enjoying the food, we wouldn’t need to control – because we’d eat just enough and not too much… You really got me thinking!!!
Thank you so much.
@Mikki
Thank you for your support Mikki! It feels good to know someone understands and knows how I’m feeling