Day 6 & 7 of UT Dr. Trip – Diagnosis 2

WOW, WOW, WOW!!!!!

First off, I didn’t blog yesterday because the internet at my Parents house was down. But I NEED to talk about what just happened today first, then I’ll share what happened yesterday.

I just had my Holistic Massage and the type of Therapist that she is, is that she performs Craniosacral Massage/Therapy. WOW.

This is what I learned:

Simply put: I had to let someone go. I know that that has been the MAJOR influence of my Anxiety. I thought I had let him go, but through this experience I knew I hadn’t completely.

I believe everything in life happens for a reason, and as long as we keep GOD as our guide- everything will fall into place perfectly. Here is the journey that I’ve been led on that I believe has brought me to this trip to UT for a REASON.

I have been brought to this high anxiety for a specific reason this past year. It got so bad, that (that was step 1 of 3 of my journey) right before I was to go to Nauvoo (step 2) I had this overwhelming feeling of fear that was restricting me from the desire to go to Nauvoo. Once in Nauvoo- I felt SO STRONG that I was brought to that place for a divine reason. I felt at my absolute HAPPIEST in Nauvoo and I now understand that happiness to be divine, to be pure, to be loving, to be peace = HEAVEN. ZION.

Now, in UT (step 3) I have been brought to several ‘Angels’. Each giving me a piece to the puzzle that I know and feel will be complete by the end of this trip. Each ‘Angel’ has provided me with tools to help LOVE myself. Debbie (The Holistic – Craniosacral Therapist) helped give me the spiritual (she is LDS) tools I’ll need to continue my journey. She first taught me that there is a female and male side to everybody. She felt that there was a male entity that was the main issue to my anxiety that was holding me back. It is so hard to describe everything that I learned, but there was such a strong spirit during this session that I just felt and knew things – does that make sense? She took me on this verbal – spiritual journey in my mind and had me visualize and ask questions. I mentioned in a previous post that one of the most traumatic experiences I’ve had in my life was the death of my best friend Michael. He was the main male person that I could think of and so she asked me to visualize him in a peaceful setting and had me visualize him so we could speak to him. I had a hard time visualizing him and I described to her that I consistently battle with myself like there’s two parts of me that compete. She said she could feel that, and told me that I need to think less with my head and think more with my heart. Well… when she mentioned heart all I could think of was the organ. She said that’s exactly what’s holding me back STOP thinking with your head and think with your spirit – your heart. Go into your heart and allow yourself to be open and receive the vision instead of trying to create it. Well, once I did that I was led to a vision of a stream and greenery. Part of it was dark and part of it was light and vibrant. Then as we spoke more about how I was feeling, I was then brought to Nauvoo. I was led to the Mississippi River – down the Trail of Tears that is now called the Trail of Hope and I was now at the end of the trail that meets the River. There I could now see Michael – dressed in a pure white gown. There we held hands and sat at the edge of the water. I felt this overwhelming feeling of warmth and love. She helped me speak with him and she said that she could hear and see what he wanted me to know but she wanted me to ask him and find out for myself. I could sense or “hear” words from him: Peace, I love you very much. She asked me what I thought those words meant and how I felt. She told me to ask him 3 questions, and I got through the second question (First being: “Are you happy”, “yes”, “Will I be ok?” “if you learn to trust yourself“, “Will you help me” “…”) I got frustrated and felt and saw the vision fading. It made sense because it’s hard for me to ask for help… but she told me to not worry about that and to focus on remaining in my heart. She asked me what I thought he wanted for me. But I couldn’t get past the frustration of not being able to hear him or see the vision anymore. She then said, well listen to what I’m getting and let me know if it makes sense to you or if you can relate:

I feel from him that he needs you to let him go. He needs to progress in Heaven, but he’s so worried about you that he’s been hanging around you ever since he past away. In Heaven they don’t have the same stresses or worries that we have – and you may be envious or jealous of him, but your nurturing side is still holding on to him and not letting him continue on his journey in Heaven. It’s also holding you back.

I was bauling by this point – SOBBING uncontrollably. I knew this was true. I felt it – hard.

She then said, we need to give him a gift. Bring him towards you (At this point I was back in the vision and brought him in front of me) – and tell me what that gift in your hand is: “A Butterfly“. She asked me to tell him what that gift means “Fly” So your giving him what gift? What does it symbolize?“The gift of freedom“. I was crying some more as I said this, and uncontrollably said “I don’t want to let him go!!! But she said I needed to and I knew it. She said that she had to do this same thing in letting go of her son who passed away not that long ago. She said to call Jesus to me, visualize his arms around me and as I was holding on to Jesus to tell Michael that I will be OK, I will be Happy, and that I give him the gift of freedom and that I’m letting him go now. Ask him if there is anything that he needed to tell me, and I felt that I “heard” him say that I’ll see him again and that he loves me very much. She told me to hold on to Jesus and watch Michael walk away. We were standing at that same spot – on the edge of the Mississippi River and I held on to Jesus as I saw Michael walk across the River until he disappeared.

She then told me to ask Jesus for a gift, and to look at His hand. She told me to tell her what I saw: “A key”. She asked me what I felt that key symbolized: “My safety zone, a doorway to where I can feel this safety again” She told me to put that key in a safe place to where I can access it again. We worked through that and then she told me that I can and need to hold onto Jesus now, to focus on him now that I’ve let Michael go.

She then taught me some breathing exercises that we used through this entire process and we went through them again as we closed out the session. We then talked about this whole experience and I felt that this entire ‘vision’ was SO symbolic. Key parts:

The edge of the Missippi River: That very spot the Pioneers had to make a sacrifice in letting Nauvoo go just as I had to let Michael go.

Letting Michael go: So he could progress on his journey in Heaven. He walked across the River towards his Journey just as the Pioneers did. I had to let him go so I could progress on mine.

Why did I pick the Missippi River for the place to where Michael and I would meet or why was that spot so clear for me in this vision?: Because it is where I felt at my peak happiness. It was there that I felt SO CLOSE to Heaven.

After the session I felt SO LIGHT. I don’t feel heavy and full of angst anymore. I felt more open in my ‘center’. She told me that now I will be more open and receptive to love and able to give more love and give MORE love to Clark. There’s nothi
ng holding me back anymore. I feel at peace – COMPLETELY in letting Michael go because I KNEW it was something I had to do and needed to do.

She also told me that I don’t need to learn how to conquer myself (the world ‘conquer’ is too much like ‘fighting’ or ‘competing), I need to learn to LOVE myself. She says EVERYTHING centers on love. She also told me that I need to be VERY attentive in how I speak to myself. She said your mind doesn’t know the difference between a lie or truth – it believes everything that you tell it, so be attentive to how you speak and when you speak to yourself and every time you catch yourself speaking something negative, to remind yourself that all your words are full of wisdom. And to tell myself something positive.

She also told me that she could feel and see negative entities around me and inside me when I arrived, she helped remove them but she told me very seriously that I need to protect myself. She said every morning when I wake up to pray to God and ask Him to send me Angels to protect me through the day.

I told her that I feel that by the end of this trip I’ll have all my answers, and she said: You will.

This was an AMAZING session!!!!

It’s like all these people I’m meeting are ‘Angels’. I was meant to get to the peak of Anxiety – led to Nauvoo and then led to this Trip to UT all to let Michael go and receive the tools needed to take control of my Journey and get on the path to Zion: To Peace, to Love. To where I NEED to be. There has been a perfect order in meeting all these people, these ‘Angels’.

The ‘Angels’:

My therapist Mark: Who taught me the ABC technique to help me : Accept the situation, Breathe through it, Choose

The RN: Who taught me that I need to learn to Accept the traumatic experiences of my past, that I need to Nurture my body so I can be receptive to the spirit and be in control instead of letting the Anxiety take control of me.

The Nutritionist: Who taught me which herbs I need to take to help Nurture my body and help me work through my anxiety.

The Chiropractor who gave a seminar on the power of the mind. The neurological part of our body.

Debbie, the Craniosacral Therapist: Who taught me HOW to Breathe and also taught me how to focus on thinking with my heart (the Spirit) and less with my brain. She also taught me that if you want something bad enough – there is power in choosing by the Spirit.

Absolutely AMAZING.
***

Yesterday (Day 6) I did not go to the OBGYN. I instead met with a Nutritionist who helped me select some herbs to help calm my body when I have Anxiety Attacks and also specific herbs and supplements to help even my mood and nurture my body. We then went to the Chiropractor Office my Mom works at and there was a seminar on the importance of nurturing and taking care of the neurological system of our body and how powerful it can be. Stress can impact your body in a serious way.

***

Today I had that session with the Craniosacral Therapist and this evening we’ll be going back to the Chiropractor to get my back aligned.

The pieces of the puzzle are coming together and I feel the completion of the puzzle coming near.

So powerful.

So AMAZING!

***

I am so grateful I have a husband who supports me in all things. Each day I have been so excited to tell him all I’ve learned, and after I told him everything I described above in this post, he texted me and said after we got off the phone:

“I am SO happy that you were able to go to Utah and have this time to find answers and become more of your potential. I love you SO much and can’t wait for you to come be in our house again!”

 I love Clark with all of my heart and he inspires me to be a better woman and he inspires me to be closer to God. True Love is what it feels like to be close to the Spirit and I feel close to the Spirit when I’m with Clark, when I’m with my Family and that is how I KNOW without a shadow of a doubt that The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints is the True and Living Church.

***

Clark’s Scavenger Hunt Day 6

“It’s GEWD!”

Nuff said, watch this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8NAzjn3lGEo&feature=related

***

Find Today’s Treat… Clue: They’re small, some are green and some are red. We take them every morning & every night. They help us stay healthy and strong! You like to sing “If you won’t and you don’t _____”

Dinner: Mahi Mahi OR Salmon & Rice

Activity: Cable Guy!!!

Clark sent me these pictures:

 

 

Clark’s Scavenger Hunt Day 7

This was the first series we watched after the LONG stretch of 24. We didn’t think that ANY other TV series could be NEARLY as good as 24… little did we know we’d get so hooked!

See: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3cZy8SGLkQk&feature=related

***

Find Today’s Treat… Clue… There’s a chip dip dish that we never use – where is it?

Dinner: KFC !

Activity: Matrix #2

Clark sent me this picture:

 
***

Just FYI — I still haven’t started my period, I took the second Pregnancy test and it said:

I guess we’ll just have to wait and see. If I miss my period a second time – then we should know for sure

[!] See Error?

Processing your request, Please wait....

Report as:	Broken Links Visual Code Invalid Contents Copyright (sorry!) Other - Please specify
Write in Words: (Optional)

No related posts.